Mending Grandmother, Daughter-in-Law Relationships - ABC News
Sometimes the relationship between a mother and daughter-in-law can be rocky, but there are ways to build that relationship and make it. I know I've said it before, but it remains true -- the mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationship is the most critical relationship in any family. But far too many women describe this relationship as fragile, tense, and even I received a three-page response from another daughter-in-law about an.
Mending Grandmother, Daughter-in-Law Relationships
And obviously, the solution starts with the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law. Recognize that this is happening or that it very well may happen. Recognize that actions have consequences -- as does not taking action -- for both you as well as for other people in the family. Take a step back, take a deep breath, and take an honest look at the bigger picture.
Ask yourself, Is this really how I want things to be in my family? Do I really want my family to see me as either the villain or the victim? What can I do to start to make things better -- for me, for my in-law, and for the rest of the family?
How to build a positive relationship with your daughter-in-law
No one wants to believe that they are directly or indirectly hurting other people, particularly people they care about. Unfortunately, that's exactly what they are doing when they perpetuate tension between themselves and their in-laws. As unintentional as it may be, they do end up hurting other family members who love them.
Give it some thought. Get the latest lifestyle tips delivered straight to your inbox Communicate How can you avoid conflict with a difficult daughter-in-law?
And why is it necessary? It turns out clear communication with your daughter-in-law can make a positive impact on your relationship with her. Communication is important, but knowing what and how to say it is even more so. Planning what you want to say before you say it will ensure that you have a clear mind, approach the topic with ease and allow you to stay calm throughout. Some may argue that steering clear altogether and making do is the best route to take, but only you can judge the situation at hand and make a decision that you're happy with.
Keep schtum when necessary It's easy to get riled up over something you disagree with it happens to everyone and your instinct to shout the house down may trump your better judgement on more counts than you care to mention, but knowing when to take a step back and hold your tongue could be a life-saver when it comes to potential daughter-in-law conflict.
Take some time to reflect on what's bothering you and what you can do about it, rather than outwardly disagreeing or making an impromptu decision that may hinder your relationship with your daughter-in-law. Respect their privacy If you want to avoid daughter-in-law problems, take steps to ensure that you give your son and daughter-in-law space to prioritise their own relationship.
Interfering and being too involved can be as much a hindrance as not being there at all. Tread the line carefully and don't harbour any feelings of jealousy towards your daughter-in-law - your son will always be your son.
Build up her confidence in you as a mother-in-law It may not be wise to smother her with affection or, equally, be stand-offish, but letting her know that you're a non-judgemental, listening ear and around when needed will help her to build up trust in you as a mother-in-law and encourage her to return the favour. Then work out a compromise that everyone agrees with. You can do it in a way that does not compromise you.
As my mum says, 'the least said, the soonest mended'. Some families thrive on drama and arguments - this is a way of life for them. I am good at keeping mouth zipped it comes with a hell of a lot of practice. In fact, I have got certificates for tongue-holding. If conflict is unavoidable, look at solutions What should you do if it's not possible to avoid conflict and this ends up affecting your relationship with your daughter-in-law?
Dealing with daughter-in-law problems can be a minefield, especially if they are governed by stubbornness, insecurities, competitiveness or actions undertaken in the heat of the moment. But don't worry, conflict doesn't have to last forever, but you must look for solutions in order to resolve it.
This will, of course, also depend on your daughter-in-law and her personality, but the likelihood of her coming round will be improved by you showing your willingness to make things better. Try to talk things over with her so that you can let her know where you stand, and discuss how best to move forward. This is particularly important if you have grandchildren as a bad relationship with your daughter-in-law could mean a lack of contact when it comes to your grandchildren. Be willing to re-build your relationship with her If your relationship has dissipated altogether, you may want to think about attempting to re-build it.
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- Key to Successful Relationship: Respect
- Tips for Mending Mother-in-Law, Daughter-in-Law Fences
But how can you successfully re-build a relationship? Let her know that you'd like to move forward. Give her time - she'll need to think about whether she wants to do the same.
Start off slowly - don't jump the gun and move faster than appropriate. Communicate and keep in touch regularly - it's important to show that you care. What happens if you really don't get on? Keep conversation civil and brief, be there for any grandchildren when needed, be there for your son or daughter and expect them to be there for you when needed, don't criticise, and be ready to pick up the pieces if necessary.
Just keep being nice and know that you have done your best. Things may change and as long as you are always there you know you have done the right thing.
I know my son loves me very much, but he has to put her and his son first and sometimes he has to let me down to keep her happy! I've found this invaluable when dealing with my daughter-in-law.
She has a tendency to tell it how it isn't, if you know what I mean, and this has caused problems. And with that kind of power, I can very easily exclude my in-laws if I chose to. I definitely have abused [that] in the past, which has been a source of our conflict. Both agree that respect is critical.
The Power of the Mother-in-Law/Daughter-in-Law Relationship -- and What That Really Means
In order to be welcomed into it, I have to look away at a lot of things, and she knows it, and I know it. Tips for Mending Mother-in-Law, Daughter-in-Law Fences Since her book was published earlier this year, Graham has traveled the country to talk to other grandmothers, gathering their stories, complaints and advice. Respect Your Daughter-in-Law's Parenting Style Even if you don't agree with it, Graham said, it's important to respect your daughter-in-law's parenting style.
All Grandparents Deserve to Know Their Grandkids Graham said that unless they are somehow harmful to the kids, it's important for grandparents to spend some time with their grandchildren to establish a relationship. Talk "Try to have an honest conversation when tensions arise," Graham said. This may be difficult, but it's the only way to establish, or re-establish, trust.