Why are we fighting so much relationship problems

Why You Pick Fights with Your Partner… and How to Stop - PsychAlive

why are we fighting so much relationship problems

It's probably happened to you: You're in a relationship, the sex is great, and Soon, you're primed for a fight—the kind that starts with, "I just think it's funny that "For many couples—if not the majority—sex represents a significant Here's the bigger problem: When you get angry but don't talk about it. Why is it that we fight the most with those we love the most? Is it just because we're two people with two completely separate minds spending so much time bad feeling about ourselves and our relationships that, although uncomfortable, also or projections, both positive and negative, will generate problems,” wrote Dr. How to break the blame-guilt-blame cycle in your relationship The problem is the negative thoughts that invade your mind until some kind of peace is like you, listens, half believes every word you say, can't stand feeling so much guilt, You might not be able to stop the very next fight with your partner, but you will be .

Stop Swearing Arguments and fights happen in all relationships. But one of the fundamental elements that aggravate arguments is the use of swear words and profanities. How rude of him. Looking at old pictures of the both of you will ignite an emotional spark and help you remember the good times that you have spent together. Look at Old Pictures of The Two of You Together Looking at old pictures of the both of you will ignite an emotional spark and help you remember the good times that you have spent together.

It's one of the easiest stimulants that can get you to stop fighting with your significant other. If you feel like all the two of you do is fight, put on some comfortable jammies, fix yourself a nice cup of cappuccino, play romantic music, and just lay on your bed as you flip through your precious pictures and loving memories. I promise that you'll be feeling better in no time.

They will also remind you why you fell in love with them in the first place. Remember the Beginning of Your Relationship Do you remember the cute little things that you did to impress your significant other before your relationship started?

Why Couples Fight: The Top 5 Issues

Yes, we are talking about all the innocent flirting, touching of hands, the long drives, the romantic dates, and so on. Think of the spark that was burning inside you and the urge you had to just hug your partner and stay in their arms all night long. This is the stuff that romantic movies are made off, and you will get a lot of goosebumps as your mind goes on a happy, little emotional roller coaster.

Such warm and loving thoughts will help you mellow down. Who knew learning how to stop fighting would be some much fun? Try and Picture Your Life Without Them If you really want to save your relationship and end your never-ending arguments, think about the disadvantages of living your life without your partner. No longer will you have someone to hug in the middle of the night or take care of you when you're sick.

You won't have anyone to share your secrets with. Who will hold you in your arms and say, "I love you? Who will tolerate your idiosyncrasies and quirky little habits? These are just a few questions to ponder about. Remember that life without them can possibly be much worse than the rough patch that your relationship is going through. Do you have a bad habit that is coming in between you and your efforts to save your relationship?

It could be something as silly as being a nagging girlfriend or an overtly possessive boyfriend to something as serious as a nasty flirting habit. We all have our idiosyncrasies, and it is our right to expect our partners to tolerate them.

You also need to remember that the person you are dating has their own set of flaws and is not going to be perfect all of the time.

why are we fighting so much relationship problems

But if one of your habits is continuously pushing the limits, maybe it is time for a little introspection. Maybe it is time you sat down with a calm head and thought about something that you may be doing, again and again, that annoys your partner.

You may be winning all the arguments, but are you really right? Don't Get Defensive Right Away It's human nature to immediately become defensive when someone accuses us of something—I get it. But it's important to take a step back and objectively look at the situation. Did you actually do something that made your significant other angry?

If so, just apologize. Their feelings are valid, and they maybe have a right to be upset. And if you feel like your words or actions were justified, try explaining why you did what you did in a calm manner.

Why Couples Fight: The Top 5 Issues | Science of People

Help them understand your side while still showing that you understand that they are hurt or upset. Try and utilize these two phrases the next time you get into an argument with your partner: Do you notice that you have a tendency to blow up when you feel like your partner is criticizing you? Do you project your own insecurities onto others?

Try and take a little time out of each day to meditate or journal. It's important to figure out what makes you tick. Meditation is also a great way to ground yourself and is a reminder that feelings are only temporary.

8 Practical Tips to Stop Fighting With Your Boyfriend or Girlfriend

If you are having a bad day and your temper is short, step back and refrain from getting into any heated conversations with your partner. If they start a discussion that touches a tender nerve, just tell them something along the lines of, "Look, it's best if we don't talk right now. I'm not in the right frame of mind. Take a Break If you're in the midst of a fight, sometimes it's better to just walk away and take a breather—you don't want to say something you'll regret.

Head to separate rooms and chill out with some TV or a book. That way, you can resume your discussion when you're both more level-headed. Spend a Few Days Apart At some point, partners who continuously argue with each other may, in fact, believe that their lives are better off without each other.

If you think this may be the case with your relationship, get a taste of loneliness by spending a few days apart. You will likely realize how much you enjoy their company and how important the relationship is to you. Don't attend a party or an event where there is alcohol. The New Science of Personal Transformation. We can actually use the experience to feel closer rather than pushing them further away.

That is why to really break a destructive, argumentative cycle, we have to challenge our critical inner voice. Drop your half of the dynamic Dr. An argument begins, then escalates based on an overflow of pent-up frustration and flawed communication. We can then have a more effective conversation about any real issues in a less intense moment when we both feel more ourselves. There are healthy avenues for expressing anger or sadness but also exploring these emotions to understand where they may come from and what they may mean.

why are we fighting so much relationship problems

Emotions offer us clues into who we are. However, in the messiness of a fight, we rarely take the time to sort through and recognize our emotions much less express them in ways that are adaptive or helpful.

why are we fighting so much relationship problems

But we should certainly be curious and accepting of our emotions. Be vulnerable and express what you want Les Greenberg, the primary originator of Emotion-Focused Therapy, distinguishes between primary and secondary, adaptive and maladaptive emotion.

Instead, they experience a secondary emotion like embarrassment or anger, and they act out toward their partner accordingly. However, as Greenberg has suggested, if we can tap into our primary emotion and express the more vulnerable want or need behind it, we show much more vulnerability to our partner. As challenging as it can feel to be vulnerable and let our guard down in a moment of conflict, the more mindful we can be toward ourselves, our emotions, our thoughts, and our actions, the better able we are to interrupt destructive cycles and achieve closeness with our partner.

why are we fighting so much relationship problems

By using these tools of self-reflection, we truly take control over our half of the dynamic and create a safe, welcoming environment for our partner to do the same. Here are some takeaways that we can apply the next time we enter a conflict with our partner: Her interest in psychology led her to pursue writing in the field of mental health education and awareness.